And Life Goes On

It’s funny….ever since I was adopted my parents told me that I have attachment issues.  At first I thought, maybe they’re right, I mean I did get left at an orphanage, and then of course, adopted by a new family.  Later on in my life, certain situations happened, and long story short…I some what felt like I was abandoned by my adopted mom.

This is just as my dad says “water under the bridge’..yet it’s easier to just say that you shouldn’t dwell on it, but it’s something that will never go away.

So in that sense, attachment issues…I now realized I really don’t have them.  If certain instances or situations happen in my life and I feel that that person shouldn’t be in it, I can easily just drop them completely out of my life.  I don’t feel too sad about it because, anything negative is bad, and well if a person is making my life negative and not positive, then they are out.

With that being said, I’ve thought about it quite a bit recently.  Then I realized…you moved down to California to start YOUR life, not live someone else’s, not cater to anyone else, but live my OWN life.

Yes, we all have trials and tribulations, we all go through hard times…some harder than others.  Ever since I moved down here I like to think positively, even if the situation is negative.  I feel great!  I run 5 miles every day after work, and the best part about it is that my backyard is a private beach.  It’s absolutely breathe taking every time I get to my destination.  There’s something about the sound of the ocean, the warm ocean breeze, the few fishermen just enjoying themselves.

I’m as busy as ever with work.  I enjoy every minute of it, working with my clients and borrowers, meeting new people, connecting with others, it makes such a difference when you love what you do, versus feeling like you have to just go to work.

I have the greatest of friends who many of them, at the drop of a hat would come help me, or pick up my phone and listen to me.

Living down here has been a real treat.  I am now more focused on myself than ever.  Improving my overall health, enjoying the finer things in life, being around people that push me to do better, and you know…if certain people do not want to help me better myself, or be a part of my life, then the door is always unlocked and opened.

Simply, this is your life, you only get ONE of them.  You shouldn’t have any regrets in the end on “oh I should’ve done this, I should’ve done this job instead, I should’ve moved when I had the chance, I wish I was able to do the things I wanted to do”……because when you’re on your death you really want to be thinking of what you could be, versus who you are and what you saw, what you got to do?!

No, when I’m on my death bed, I’m going to die happy.  Why?  Because I was loved, I did the things I wanted to do, made the most out of my life, saw everything I ever dreamed of, and took big risks and enjoyed my life to the fullest…that’s really living!

Do what makes you happy, you will get a lot more enjoyment out of life when you’re happy.

Have You Ever Felt Alone?

I’m not talking about feeling as if you have no friends or anyone to talk to.  I mean, that feeling as if you’re standing up for something when those closest to you, should understand and stand up with you but they don’t?

I wrote a previous blog, it was personal to me and yes, I teared up when I wrote it, but the most amazing thing happened after I wrote that post….

Someone that I’ve known since I was little told me that they’re going back to school to get a degree, in part because of me.  I never think that people read my blogs or truly care about what I have to say.  I write them to express myself, give an insight to a different perspective, and maybe, being the hopeful person that I am, someone will read it and understand it.

He said that he’s going back to school, he realizes that he hasn’t done much to show for himself within the past few years (which to me….sometimes you need a break to find who you are, to actually think about your next steps which is important and to reinvent yourself), and that he wants to go back and get a degree, be a positive change in the community.

Things like this, means more to me than most people will ever know.  It empowers me, it makes me more motivated because to me, it’s more so of the fact that I know that someone is reading my posts, getting an insight into my life, and I want to be a positive role model to them.

Right now, I feel empowered because of this, but on the other hand, I also feel that I’m standing up for something that I believe in, but yet people really close to me don’t. To them, they would rather keep things private, but to me, yes, certain things need to be private, but standing up for ex: people with disabilities to express that we shouldn’t treat them as if they are disabled, more so that they are strong individuals and we shouldn’t have to complain about how hard our life is, when to them, they know it is hard, but they stay positive and make the most out of it.

I had to take down that amazing blog I wrote because people who shall not be named, had an issue with it. At least I was able to reach out to one person and make a difference, that’s all that matters to me.

It’s definitely not going to stop me from expressing myself, or make motivational posts to help others, or even when I (eventually) post about my healthy recipes that I make.

If you can make a difference in someone’s life, then do it, just make sure it’s a positive one.

People are so afraid of speaking their minds, and yes, I can see why… the news has a lot to do with it.  You’re either a villain or a good guy, but never just yourself expressing your feelings/thoughts.  I think one of the best forms of expression is to write!

I hope you all are able to express yourself in one way or another.  Don’t be afraid to express your feelings or your thoughts, just make sure that it’s not demeaning others, or expressing it in a very negative way.  Change the way people see things, be a positive light in a dark world.  Chase your dreams, conquer your fears, be who you want to be, and don’t let anyone make you feel any less!



Climb That Mountain

Yes, this is another one of my motivational Monday speeches.  This one I’m taking to heart today.

I always thought that motivational flyers or emails were just hog wash and just words.  The older I get, the more I think about it…actually I think about them almost every day.

Right now I’m at an uphill battle, with myself.  You ever get those times where you just can’t find your motivation?  Like an inside cat, you know it’ll come back, but you’re just not sure when?

I have that right now.  When I first started with this company, I worked 24/7, went to as many meetings as possible, and was only focused on work 100% of the time, and made my goals so high, I would never reach them, but I would be close.

Now, I don’t have that feeling, which bums me out. I’ve been trying to find it.  I try to pump myself up but just can’t seem to get that motivation back.

I have to keep reminding myself though, it’s an uphill battle all the time.  Even when you think you’ve reached the top, there’s a higher peak to reach.

I’m currently at the middle of my mountain, but I’ve never been the type to give up on anything or anyone.  Maybe all I need is a little break to catch my breathe and to create a new game plan as to how I’m going to reach THIS mountain.

Have you ever felt like this?  How did you over come it?

Never Give Up, Even If Your Legs Give Out

Two weeks ago I started to get back in shape.  Everyone tells me that I already am skinny and look like I am…only I really know that I’m not.  I used to be a long distance runner, but it’s easier to turn on the T.V. after a rough day at work than it is to put on your running shoes and actually do it.

I made myself a specific plan.  I also decided if I was going to do this then I might as well also change my eating habits.  I love food, sometimes more so than people. I got rid of processed sugar, salt, junk food, fast food, bread, and of course my all time favorite, coffee.

Coffee isn’t bad for you at all, if you just have a cup of black coffee a day…see I, on the other hand, LOVE the taste of coffee.  I would make a 12 cup pot at work a day, then drink 6-12 cups a day, a little ridiculous.

I bought all the food for the week so I could start planning out my meals and cooking them myself.  I’ve had other people buy their meals from those instant meal plans, but they don’t have any flavor, bleh.

Then I made sure that I set a concrete plan to run in the morning and do my boot camp after work.

To my surprise, it’s almost the end of week 2 and I’m doing really good.  I replaced coffee with different types of teas and antioxidants.  I make my own lunches, dinners, and snacks throughout the day.  The other day I had plans to just run 5 miles, because the day before I had a pain in my leg and couldn’t even run the entire thing.  For some reason, I got in pace with my steps, felt good, and after the 5 mile mark, I figured lets just keep running until my legs gave out.

I ran 7 miles yesterday, got my butt up at 5am to run 3.5 miles.  I also did 100 push ups, 200 crunches, and 100 squats yesterday and this morning. I have  stayed the course with my meal plans too.

What I’m getting at is, in business or our personal lives there will be times where we want to quit, and trust me…I’ve gone through a lot of those times.  At work, there have been points where all my deals were falling apart and being a person that tries to find an alternative, I couldn’t find any…it was because I was so focused on the fact that the deals were going to die on me, that I didn’t think outside of the box.

I was stressed out, over worked, frustrated, you name it, that was me.

I never gave up though, even though it took an extra week or two to close the deals, I managed to do it.  Perseverance is what I had and what I continue to have.  Without it, I wouldn’t be able to close those deals.  I wouldn’t be getting my butt back into shape and eating healthier. The other day, I ran and ran and ran and ran…..and I actually enjoyed it (it’s been a while since I enjoyed running), even though I have a little bit of asthma, and it was muggy out too!

I knew that once I stopped, I knew that my legs would start feeling sore and that I might not be able to get back to the tempo/pace that I was at…the reason why I kept running.

It’s always when you feel like giving up, if you just keep going and jump over that little hurdle, you’ll get to where you want to be.  It might not be instantaneously (some times it is), but it does take time.  Slowly but surely you’ll see progress in whatever it is that you are trying to do.

So, don’t give up, never, even if your legs give out, find an alternative!

Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve, it’s Okay!


“I’m just a little fish swimming in a big fish bowl”

This is a photo of me, about 4 years ago while I was on a business trip.  I used to be the type who would shelter themselves from getting hurt no matter the cost. I was really good at telling myself to stop opening up any further to someone, because I knew that if I sheltered my heart, then it wouldn’t get broken.

I think that’s one of my biggest fears in life….getting my heart broken into a million pieces and not being able to really mend it because, once it’s can put it back together but it’ll never be fully whole again…and then having to constantly think about that person even when you don’t want to.  It sucks.

So, I was good at telling myself when to stop. What I didn’t realize is that the other person always had stronger feelings for me. My friends eventually gave me the nick name of “man-eater” which I didn’t and still do not think is an appealing name.  I asked them what that meant and they explained it perfectly:

“Men admire you, you’re like a siren, they are attracted to you, your looks, personality, and fall for you, and you break their hearts each time without realizing it…without any emotion to it whatsoever, you chew them up, and then spit them back out”.

I thought about this quite a bit.  I kept thinking, it’s not my fault for the way they feel.  How am I supposed to know that they would like me this much? I don’t.

It really doesn’t matter if you are a male or a female, humans in general have feelings, they have emotions, some choose to show them more than others.

I began realizing that I was the jerk. See, women always complain about how they never find good guys blah blah blah…well I feel like I was the jerk female that ruined those good men. I’ve always dated great guys.  Most of them, absolutely gorgeous, 6 pack abs, tall, educated, love sports, etc. but the problem wasn’t them, it was me!

I’m picky, incredibly picky and we could be having the best of times and then a thought pops in my head, or I notice something about them that I didn’t before (like there’s a small wrinkle) and the feelings I just had, instantly go away.  I don’t know why, and I still work on this and keep thinking maybe with age it’ll get better.

There came a point where I realized that I shouldn’t be so cold, I shouldn’t keep people out, especially if I’m dating them.  It wasn’t because I was worried that they would judge me, it was more so of the fact that I didn’t care enough to let them in.

Harsh, but that’s reality. There came a point where I actually let my guard down, where I stopped myself at the right time, but then talked myself out of it…I said “ya know what, drop the guard, it’s been great so far”, and I did.  The ONE time I decided to do this, I ended up getting someone that, quite honestly, didn’t meet my standards, nor was he that great of a guy.

I used to have a list…by list I mean what I looked for/wanted:

6′-6’4”, college educated, family oriented, nothing on their record, clean and organized, must be within a specific weight limit, financially stable, great credit, great driving record (because mine is impeccable..but no guy has a perfect record) etc.

I still hold a lot of these things on my list, but for the shallow part, I got rid of…it does come with age.

This individual wasn’t 6′ at all..he was barely 5’7”, he wasn’t a self-made individual, his parents gave him everything.  He took his sweet time finishing his undergrad, and even though he said he didn’t care what others thought of him…he definitely did.  All of his friends got dumped, so at the time, they told him to be single, they needed someone in the group that could actually talk to females. He also brags about how he has two homes..when in actuality, he stays with his parents in one..and has a tool shed that he says is his “pad”, then another place he has but it’s underneath a business office, because his parents own that too….he doesn’t pay rent, utilities, his own insurance, absolutely nothing except on himself, the difference is that he acts and flaunts like they are his (acted like this in college and even to this day).

Instead of breaking up like I should’ve, he wanted to keep it open…which I stupidly agreed to, even though he got mad at me even if I told him that I was thinking of dating someone else. We were in our early 20’s, so that had a little bit to play….they say that having your heart broken is the worst feeling in the world..what they don’t tell you is that, when you’re in a situation like mine, your heart doesn’t get broken once, it’s like on repeat…an awful awful repeat and you’re the only one that hurts from it.

One day, I erased him from my life entirely…but see, wearing my heart on my sleeve taught me a number of things.  To first and foremost, accept myself.  Secondly, that it was an experience that allowed me to reinvent myself, to know exactly what I want and what I expect from a REAL relationship.  Lastly, to appreciate the good and the bad aspects of it.

Strangely enough, once I completely erased him from my life (which for most people..who go back to the same person over and over again, it’s because they don’t really erase them…they leave an opening for them to come back, which is ultimately what they want), it took a little while, but I became myself again. I got my happiness back, and since then..met some amazing men.

I have always been the one to dump the person, but each and every one of these guys were amazing. They were kind, they listened, they took care of me when I was sick or when I was down.  They showed me how to really enjoy life and to really experience it for what it is.

One guy went to the extent as to drive all the way from one city to pick up my favorite breakfast sandwich and coffee, to another city (where I lived),  and then to a different city entirely to get to his work, so by the time I left to go to work…I would open my door and see my favorite breakfast sandwich and coffee right there.  That meant a lot to me.

It didn’t work out though.  I lost interest in him, but I feel like I also taught them quite a bit as well.

Most people always complain about not meeting nice guys/women, or they go for the ones that just want to sleep with them, blah blah blah….I hear it way too often, and most of the time they don’t ever consider that it might be their fault…I mean..who really wants to put the blame on themselves?

Someone who looks good, but yet doesn’t have a stable job..and you expect them to take you out somewhere nice for your first date?

You met this person on Tinder and you wore a see through shirt, and you’re appalled that they just wanted to sleep with you?

People need to ask the right questions to weed out these types of people..and stay away from things like Tinder.

Because of the first person that I wore my heart on my sleeve for, I now always wear my heart on my sleeve…because some day, the right person will come into my life (and I won’t get bored of), and will also wear their heart on their sleeve and this heart of mine which has been mended, but still rough around the edges, will be smoothed out and whole again.

THAT is what I truly believe. I’m 27 now, and I’m not worried about aging or finding someone to take care of me.  I want to enjoy life and what it has to offer.  I know that eventually I will find the right person..maybe I see them every day and don’t realize it, maybe we’ve been in the same room and don’t know it…. they’re out there, it’s always when you least expect it.  So, wear your heart on your sleeve because it’s going to be okay.

Even if you get your heart broken, it’s okay to feel the pain that comes with it, because how do we truly live if we can’t feel?

Motivation Monday

Most people despise Mondays like it’s the plague.  I, on the other hand, enjoy Mondays!  You see, once you start dreading Monday and thinking of how awful it’s going to be, you’re already setting yourself up for a bad day and essentially the rest of the week.

I look at Mondays as a fresh start.  It is, because it’s the beginning of a brand new week so we get a clean slate to work with.  All the frustrations, headaches, emotional distraught that we had the previous week, we can leave them there.

Look at Monday as a brand new day.  You get to make this week a positive one, or a negative one, it’s your choice.  Make a plan, write it out, and implement it!

Begin this Monday on a positive one, even if you can’t find anything right in your life, just remember this, you have a pulse, you’re alive for a reason and you might as well make the most of it.

We all go through rough patches, and most of the time, later on in life, we look back and realize how stupid/silly we were and those patches that we thought were rough are actually not that bad.

It’s a learning curve, and life is just one big lesson.  We tend to remember the negative more so than the positive because it sticks out, and we dwell on it.

Monday is going to be productive, it’s going to be positive, and it’s going to start your week on the right note!

Hello world! Make It Happen!

This is a unique blog in the sense that it’s not about just ONE thing but different topics.  It also sort of has my name in it…Alligood (but many times people pronounce it I made this blog itsallgoodsworld…because this blog is about my world).  I love cooking, exploring, being motivational, and helping others.  As such, this blog is all about that and more!  I hope you enjoy it and learn something new, and as always, if you have any questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to contact me.  ENJOY!